Bonus Years In Humor

Later-life Levity

There is a time for everything…
a time to be born and a time to die…
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Erik Erikson, the developmental psychologist, used research and conjecture to identify nine stages of life – from infancy to later-life. Erikson once wrote that he “can’t imagine a wise old person who can’t laugh.”  Indeed, wisdom, maturity, happiness and humor often go hand-in-hand among many who are on the journey through later-life. In fact, many of the sharpest insights into the realities of later-life are expressed in humor – often by those who are walking the walk. This is the beginning of a collection of later-life humor.  Submit your favorites!

Old age is no place for sissies.
— Bette Davis (1908-1989).

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
— George Burns (1896-1996).

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it by not dying.
— Woody Allen (1935- ).

By the time you know what to do, you're too old to do it.
— Ted Williams (1918-2002).

At 85 you can only think ahead for the next fifty years or so.
— Chuck Jones (1912-2002), upon signing a long-term contract with Warner Brothers at age 85.

You know you are getting old when all the names in your Rolodex have MD after them.
— Harrison Ford (1942- ).

You know you are getting old when you know what a Rolodex is.
—Ben Burgess (1985- ).

At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves.
— George Orwell (1903-1950).

A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
— Muhammad Ali (1942- ).

Once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
― Charles M. Schulz  (1922-2000).

In America, the young are always ready to give those older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.
― Oscar Wilde  (1854-1900).


I ain't what I used to be, but who the hell is?
― Dizzy Dean  (1910-1974).

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
― Mark Twain  (1835-1910).

I'm not denying my age, I'm embellishing my youth!
― Tamara Reynolds

Maturity is not growing old but growing up.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
― Woody Allen  (1935- ).

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
― Woody Allen  (1935- ).

Most people my age are dead at the present time.
― Casey Stengel  (1890-1975), age 75.

The older you get, the more you tell it like it used to be.
― Unknown.

How old would you be if you didn't know when you were born?
― Unknown.

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
― Maurice Chevalier  (1888-1972).

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
― Groucho Marx  (1890-1977).

After the age of 80, everything reminds you of something else.
― Lowell Thomas  (1892-1981).